My Top 30 Country & Western song titles

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  1. If the phone don’t ring, it’s me not calling you up.
  2. I still miss you baby, but my aim’s getting better.
  3. You’re the reason our kids are so ugly.
  4. If you can’t live without me why aren’t you dead yet?
  5. She got the ring and I got the finger.
  6. If I can’t be number one in your life then number two on you.
  7. If I had shot you when I wanted to, I’d be out by now.
  8. I gave her my heart and a diamond and she clubbed me with a spade.
  9. I don’t know whether to kill myself or go bowling.
  10. At the gas station of love I got the self-service pump.
  11. Get off the table, Mabel (the $2 is for the beer)
  12. Walk out slowly backwards so I’ll think you’re walking in.
  13. My give-a-damn’s busted!
  14. If I were in your shoes, I’d walk right back to me.
  15. Tequila makes her clothes fall off.
  16. (Pardon me) I’ve got someone to kill.
  17. Since you left me Ruth I’ve been so ruthless.
  18. My wife ran off with my best friend and I sure do miss him.
  19. I’m so miserable without you it’s like having you here.
  20. She’s acting single and I’m drinking doubles.
  21. I would have wrote you a letter but I couldn’t spell YUCK.
  22. Velcro arms, Teflon heart.
  23. Drop kick me Jesus through the goalposts of life.
  24. Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
  25. Thanks to the cathouse I’m in the doghouse with you.
  26. I ain’t never gone to bed with an ugly woman but I sure woke up with a few.
  27. Get your tongue out of my mouth, I’m kissing you goodbye.
  28. Did I shave my legs for this?
  29. I wouldn’t take her to a dog fight cause I’m afraid she’d win.
  30. I went back to my fourth wife for the third time and gave her a second chance to make a first class fool out of me.
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