SEE SEE TV Your roaming colleagues will find it impossible not to ogle your desktop each time they pass. Should you be Googling ‘persistent rash’ or ‘pressure cooker bomb instructions’ it’s advisable to have a fake page (eg. ‘How to more effectively contribute to business success’) ready to maximise to full screen. Not so analogue alternatives such as the photocopier, where the strategy should be flipped on its head. Executed well, an inadvertent intercept at the copier tray by a colleague as you see it coming- can be a particularly compelling communications vehicle by which to mess with people’s heads.
HOT DESK/COLD CASE Then there’s hot desking where there’s an increasing correlation between its implementation and the decrease in actual employees at said desks. Hot desking can sometimes be a case of ‘don’t get too comfortable here’ under the guise of ‘your creativity will never be boxed in by us so fly, be free!’. If you see it in action, remember that it can be an unconvincing attempt to disguise the fact that the rented pot plant is now the longest standing employee in the building.
FULLY SICK (E)BAY The most valuable aspect of having a fixed business address is that it provides a handy depot for those drunken 2am purchases on eBay, etsy and TVSN. All the more exciting for the fact that you can’t remember having ordered any of them… so an otherwise pedestrian eight hours in the office can seem like Christmas Day on high rotation.
DAMN YOU AUTO CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES Get to know someone who’s handy at retrieving an email before the damage is done. Whether relatively banal or worthy of landing you in the clink, this person will be your friend, compatriot, accomplice and … ultimately also possibly your blackmailer. But first thing’s first. Use your get-out-of-gaol-free card pronto if he or she is on hand. The pesky issue of unmarked bills in brown paper bags can wait for another day.